"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished." —Zsa Zsa Gabor
My wife is not Jesus. But even after being raised by a pastor, going to Bible school, and graduating from seminary, I believed she was Jesus. You probably think your spouse is, too. Really. I lived quite contentedly with Jesus when I was single. But after we married, I expected Libby to do in my life what only Jesus is capable of doing. It was a recipe for disaster.
Lie number 3: Your spouse will complete you.
If you believe this lie, your thoughts might sound like this:
- I need someone else to fill the empty places in my life.
- If I find that person, my loneliness will be gone and I will be whole.
- The right person will complement me. They will be strong when I am weak.
- Etc., etc., etc…
You can go on believing that fantasy if you want, but the truth is this: Your spouse will NOT complete you; your spouse will complicate you. If you are single, trust me on this one. If you are married, you can stop nodding your head right now. One of God’s purposes in marriage is to use our spouse to reveal our flesh patterns, selfishness, and sin. If you are looking for true love and affirmation, only Christ will complete you.
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. —Ephesians 3:14-19
As we come to grips with the love of Christ, we find fulfillment in Him, and then we get to delight in the relationships we have been given.
All I can say is that it works for Libby and me. When we walk in the Spirit, rather than the flesh, we really see Jesus as our answer, Jesus as our power, Jesus as our strength, and Jesus as our love. When we see ourselves as completed in Christ, all the pressure is lifted off one another, and we actually start delighting each other.
For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. —Colossians 2: 9-10
Father, show me where I am depending on others to complete me, rather than receiving my completeness in Christ. Refocus the expectations I place on others to complete me. I know I was designed to be filled by You! Amen.
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